RELATIONSHIPS

A relationship is a very complex situation. It can be between two people who are not blood related i.e Lovers, Family, or friends. We all have relationships with different people but how we treasure or keep these relationships matter a lot am going to talk about relationships in different perspectives.

LOVERS 

These are two people who meet any where in the world and fall in love, in most cases it's not planned. When these people meet in most cases our friends are not involved.
When things start going wrong in a relationship, we get so desperate that we talk to everyone thinking everyone is happy abut our situation. Not everyone is happy for you once you are happy. People are envious and very few will genuinely smile when you are happy.
There are people waiting for things to go wrong and pretend they are there for you when in real sense they are laughing behind your back as you cry.
These same friends are so quick at giving advise for u to leave your boyfriend/ girlfriend once things go wrong. Intruding in two people's affairs is not a very good idea but if you must advise, i would suggest for one to be very positive. Don't be the reason people are breaking up but the reason they smile. Nothing is easy in this world, happiness doesn't come easy as well there for we shouldn't play with people's emotions.

DARK DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Days when you feel so down and you feel like the world is all against you?
I believe everyone has had those days and we shall all agree those days suck! I have them and am normally affected when someone really dear to me hurts me a lot. In this case it's someone who is not very dear to me but yes this person is actually dear to me. MY BOSS.

He hates it when i call him that "my boss" i don't know the exact reason why but i know the reason he says that is because he doesn't really feel like my boss but hey wait.........How do u call someone who assigns you a duty and then later pays you? Your boss and that's all the respect i had or rather have for this person. I like him as a person especially for his sense of humor but i don't know what i do that he hates so much. If any of my friends heard him say i am anti social then they would not understand cause am one social person unless otherwise.
Anyway i feel so confused but one thing am sure of is i have done nothing wrong and i believe i have been a good employee and for no reason will one bring me down and am a very social girl.
Well my day was just that............ very gloomy but i thank God for the kind of friends i got. They are a blessing they always manage to put a smile on this face of mine am so blessed.
My day began when i was feeling down but am grateful it ended with a smile.
All i wanted today was to vent.

LOVE LIFE AND WORK

The love for my work, friends and family keep me going. I should say am blessed.

These people and others make life interesting.

HOMOSEXUALITY

HOMOSEXUALITY

The African traditional way of life shuns homosexuality; my question is why we are letting it get to us so freely? Why are we embracing it?

As an African I know that all children are brought up morally upright without discrimination of gender, tribe or color. We all have cultures and I don’t think there is a culture that embraces homosexuality. To me it’s a taboo and I will never accept it.

I have heard people say, “We shall accept these people because they are human and we should accept their feelings and try to support them” To me this is total bullshit because am sure no one is born a homosexual, I have heard of people being born as bi- sexual, hermaphrodites or other stuff but I believe that no one is born a homosexual. Our children are learning these things from boarding schools, from foreign visitors and some from televisions.

Parents take their children to single schools thinking that they will be safe from impregnating young girls or even young girls getting pregnant but what do we get at the end of achieving what took us to school? We end up scared of people from the opposite sex and we also end up as homosexuals, it is so sad for a parent knowing that his / her beloved daughter or son performed so well in school but will never have a girlfriend or boyfriend for they believe that they only have feelings for the same sexes.

Teachers I would say have failed in monitoring what students do while in dormitories. They assume that children can only get spoiled when in mixed schools but I think it’s the other way round. I believe that in high school this is when children get to puberty and they get so excited on trying what they feel in their bodies, they become sexually active and at that time in my opinion is when teachers should come in and talk to these student’s. I believe that teachers are not doing enough in counseling and guidance, they have not pinned out the dangers of homosexuality and if they have, they have not done enough in convincing these pupils.

A friend of mine once told me never to be so judgmental when it comes to these people, he also said that I may give birth to a child and they turn out to be homosexuals may God forbid but in my opinion I believe that for a child to be that It means that we don’t know much about what’s happening in our children’s lives, it means we don’t care about what they do behind their bedroom doors and that we don’t pay much attention to the people they hang out with or we don’t really care about the people they interact with on social networks or even the programs they watch.

I also think that today’s child is so much more in danger than the 18^th century or before child. We are faced with so many challenges. We learn things from all over both good and bad and I should also come to terms with what I call good and what I call bad because what I may call bad someone else will not call bad. 

I just can’t understand how or why people would sit down and say it’s ok for a man to fall in love with a fellow man, I mean how? How would I just sit there and watch my brother bring his “girlfriend” (boy) home and say “Hey guys meet my sweetheart” for me this is so insane.

I know many people who will read this will agree with me and some will think am absurd but truth be told no holly book say’s that homosexuality should be embraced. What are our leaders doing to stop this insanity? In one way or another we are going to stand on our feet and say this is good and this is not good. As Africans we have our own morals, morals that we ourselves are letting some group destroy, let’s be people who copy, but not copy everything, I would say take the good and leave the bad, take what will help you and let go of what will not help you. How will you sleep with a fellow girl or boy and benefit? It just doesn’t add up.

photo byhttp://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/homosexuals.html#comp.asp?recid=1399667&xtra=

I would advise people to search their souls and be the good people they were otherwise the world is rotting and in one way or another we shall all face the consequences if we don’t stop this madness.

I will stop for now leaving you my readers with something to think about. Where are we heading?

TO ALL MY TRUE AND REAL FRIENDS

There comes a time in life when you feel on top of the world and everything else is under you. The everyday worries seem to disappear, the constant and nagging problems go for holidays, this might be out of sheer delight but everything seems to work out okay.

Friends do come in and play a vital role in this Arena. You may not realize it but they play a significant role in the shaping of our lives. Some go to the extent of playing the guardian role; some literally control our lives to the extent that we cannot function without them,

The extent to man’s weakness reveals itself on his ability to choose friends who are of importance in all aspects of life regarding him/her. In making a choice we tend to stick to a set of rules which govern us on our choice, how well we know the person, how close we are to the person and how much we can gain from the person, most of these aspects usually lead to break ups due to little constraints which hide the guise of friendship and before we even come to terms with what happened we lose our most trusted companions. Funny enough if you put into consideration the causes of the break ups you will realize that they are just silly doings.

Acquiring a friend or creating one takes time but losing one takes seconds so if you have a friend close to your heart, make sure that he/ she stays put there. Show him/ her how worthy he/she stays put there. Show him or her how worthy he/she is and there in will have captured the heart and needless to say will abide by you. Avoid bad friends who are there to suck you up like ticks they are the worst more than vermin. Don’t follow aspects in choosing a friend, follow the heart for it speaks through your soul. Remember that being hurt does not mean the end of the world but rather the beginning of learning and accepting who you are. Share you happiness with those who are worthy. If you don’t concur with me you better stop reading now.

RONNIE

FRIEND ZONING NOT A GOOD IDEA

In many cases we take people who take us seriously for jokers and we take Jokers very seriously hence ruining our lives, ending up making the wrong decisions for the people we only see as right in our faces and hearts but very wrong in reality. This is why I always say that the heart in most cases dictates our mind.

We take the people who have our best interests for grunted, we take men who seriously love us for grunted and we end up friend zoning them. It’s not easy for them. It’s so hard to love someone who doesn’t love you but it’s also true that these people we treat so badly are the same people we go running back to. It’s sad that they are always stretching their arms for us to run right in. They give us a shoulder to cry on, they comfort us without judgments, Girls that guy you are friend zoning hurts each time he learns that you are in the arms of that guy who doesn’t deserve you. Think before hurting a good guy. There are so many hungry lions out there but there is one which may not feast on you. THINK before giving your heart fully.

That’s what you always called him, you said that his love had reached the brim and over flowed like water in a stream.

I warned you again and a again honey but not a minute did you heed my warning

And now you are crying your eyes out because your sweet Ronnie destroyed your life, your studies and your future.

The day you told him he’d filled you up, like a jubilant soldier he jumped up, for that is one thing he really cherished. And with much pleasure he had realized now that he’s seen your bulging tummy. He doesn’t want to set his eyes on you. It’s so sad honey that Ronnie ruined you.

For shame’s sake what made you do it honey? Was it for his stinking money? Despite my telling you that I cared for you, for I had pledged many a time my love for you but you were too blind to see and too deaf to hear a word from me.

Though like a faithful dog I followed you, but all in vain Ronnie destroyed you.

In the same way he wrecked your life while all day long thinking you’d be his wife. I swear I’ll squeeze out his balls, and render out his testicles useless. A pair of pincers will do the job, never again will he use them to wreck anyone for anger boils in me when I see you and remember that Ronnie destroyed you.

All is not lost honey, wipe your tears away and together lets the gears, for you still mean a lot to me honey, together we shall repair what Ronnie ruined, and he’ll see us stroll down the street again hand in hand like two love birds. Forever you’ll be wholly mine. Despite the fact that Ronnie ruined you

STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY

I always ask my self a question of how long it will take me to forget that fateful day and how long it will take me to wake up from the night mare of that particular 12th day of December 2009. That question will always zoom right in my head but i doubt anyone will ever answer that question since it's just in my head.

No one will ever know how i feel and i believe everyone has lost a loved one in this life, some have lost both parents, some have lost a brother, some very close friends, nothing can measure or determine the pain we feel only we know the impact depending on how much we care about the person we lost, how close we are or they were to us matters so much on how we feel after their departure.

I had never lost a loved one before, at least not ones that are close to me, my grandpa died when i was only four years old though i don't remember much how close we were or how much we did together but people say he loved me so much, what would be expected? Am a true reflection of my mum.

I grew up hearing friends say they have lost loved ones but in honesty i never knew the feeling of losing a loved one until i actually lost one. It was the biggest blow in my face, A scar i may have to live with for the rest of my life, something i may never be able to forget.

In the midst of finding love after a heart break is when i found friendship, trust and understanding in a young man who had also never fallen in love, he had the best smile and a very big heart, very respectful and so loving.
Ivan before becoming apart of my life was a best friend, a good listener and a very caring person, he put my feelings a head of everything else. For me it was friendship and nothing more since i have lost trust in love. 

 Ivan turned tables of friendship around and love between us grew each day we talked. I saw something beautiful about life again, Ivan adored me and for him i was everything. He pampered me and spoiled me i felt like a little girl again. We were friends for one year, and one year in a relationship and that one felt like heaven though it was short lived in our long distance.

I planned a trip to go visit my boyfriend in Uganda after my exams on 17th December 2012 that only remained as a dream after Ivan's mum called me on 12th December to tell me that My boyfriend had passed away that morning, it was the biggest nightmare and still is and if i got the courage to write this, it's not because i am over what befell me but it's because i finally got a way of relieving myself off the pain i feel, they say that if you talk about your pain you can get over it, i don't expect to get over it but i feel a little relieved that i finally shared how i feel. I loved Ivan and to honor his memory i will always light a candle for his memory to keep him alive. The inhuman act that befell him i will never forget so easily but am grateful cause i have learn t how to move on and i will always pray for his memory cause the candle he burnt in my heart will forever burn in there, cause it brought love to my life. I loved you Ivan, i love you and i will always love you.

I wish rest in peace meant return if possible, i miss u so much. May you rest in eternal peace my love. Those candles will forever burn for u.  

FRIENDSHIP & BETRAYAL

It can be hard making friends, and even harder to trust them. It's very hard to find someone who really loves you and cares about you. Ideally a friend is a person who offers love and respect and will never leave or betray you. Don't lose a good friend. It's very hard to find a friend who will stay and they can be easy to lose. If you find yourself in a situation where a friend has seemingly betrayed you, don't worry cause some times it does happen and not everyone you meet or befriend has the same intentions on friendship. Some want to get information about you, some want to try you there for we can never tell everyone's intentions in our lives but we just learn to appreciate and trust the people who we befriend and the people who befriend us.

Friendship as we all know is not an easy thing, it's just not a walk over. Friendship in my opinion is just like a relationship. You got to choose who to trust and keep as a friend. Some times we hurt our friends not really knowing that we are hurting them and if we care so much the silent treatment can kill both parties.

Some times we as friends pretend to be strong enough and not care about what the other think about us after a misunderstanding but i personally hurt so much when am in disagreement with that particular person i call a friend. I hate it when someone i refer to as good friend keeps a secret from me cause i would never keep a secret from my close friend. I love keeping friends and i love making friends though i don't easily make friends.

Some times our friends betray us but what do we do? Do we talk to them about the mistakes they have made or do we go around to other friends and bad mouth the ones who have hurt us?

If there is one thing i have learn t from misunderstanding with anyone is to keep it to myself till it calms down and ten after that talk to your supposed friend about the incidence and then try to work it out. It works and i know this cause i have been though this same experience.

The moment you talk to a third party about this problem and you friend finds out, this sometimes become gossip and it never turns out ok after this step.
Always try to work out your issues and once you can't come to an agreement please agree on inviting a third party, it could be a mutual friend you can both trust or a family member who can reason with both of you.
If it doesn't work out for both of you then at least you tried and if you don't want to be friends anymore, make sure you tell the other person so you can both be aware of the situation.

A FEW MORE STEPS TO MAKE IT WORK
 
1. Determine if the whole thing was a misunderstanding. It's easy to get emotional (positive or negative) with friends and you may have rushed to conclusions. Make sure they really have done something wrong, and, if they have, find if they are apologetic

2. Keep things in perspective. The whole situation may not be as bad as you think. This will make apologies and forgiveness easier to obtain.


3. Be willing to forgive despite your anger. Forgive them for not keeping your trust and not knowing how to treat friends. You may need to forgive them, even if they are not sorry for what they did. This is key to getting past your anger towards them and not harboring grudges.

4.Consider whether or not you want to maintain a friendly relationship with the person. Many times, a friend that betrays once will do it again. But this is also dependent on the situation and the person.

• If you find that you no longer want to be friends with this person, sever all ties with them. You don't have to be mean about it. Assuming you followed step 1, they already probably know that you are upset with them. This will make ending your friendship easier.
• If you find that you want to maintain your friendship, make sure the other person understand that you feel they did something wrong and you have forgiven them and want to continue being friends -- even if they aren't remorseful.

Try to relax and take some time alone. Meditate, shop, dance, do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy. You are more likely to find a worthwhile solution while doing something you enjoy.


Think about how they feel. If they're just about as upset as you are, maybe you should talk to them. It truly does help. You never know what could be happening with them, so you must try to see it from their perspective.

Friends are very easy to make and very hard to keep. I love my friends

I call her my best friend, someone i wouldn't mind talking to about anything happening in my life, she is just an angel for me.

I call her my guardian angel, she is more of a sister than a friend and am so blessed to have her. Nana i will love u always, u are heaven sent.

Part of my crazy crew.

The fun, what could life be like without friends? I have great friends even those who ain't here but i love you all so much. God bless

RAPE/ABUSE

   Girls in most cases go through a lot of things as they grow up, Behind every attitude in a girl there is a story. Boys too go through these but girls are badly affected. Emotionally and they trust one not even their own shadow.
   There is this particular girl i know, I will not exactly call her a friend but a good girl who confided in me, am happy to have known her because she was drowning and right now i don't know how she feels but i hope i was able to help out where i could.
    Tsunami is her name, she is a girl who has been reserved almost all her life, this girl doesn't remember the last time she smiled or even held a serious talk with anyone. She was defiled by someone she knew as her cousin who was in form three and she was nine years old class three by then. I know what you are thinking very young right? Well it happened and it's happening to many other other girls out there and it has happened to many others too who have not spoken about it and have not had a chance to talk  about it because they don't have a "friend" in any one to talk to. They feel so dirty and embarrassed to speak about this shameful act.
   Those who get a chance to talk about it do talk about it but in most cases remain dissatisfied, i would advise professional help. Tsunami does get moody at times and doesn't want to  talk to anyone but i believe its because of the nightmare she faced many years ago. She has never spoken about it not even with her own mum. She gets so angry at times even with her mum sending her for something. I don't know if it's this particular nightmare   that makes her resentful to her mother or there is something else she wants to talk about but she can't. It hurts and i see the rage in her eyes, i can tell she hurts so much. She silently cries in her bed some times before she sleeps, a lot happened that can never be undone. I just pray that some day she can learn to break the chains of her misery and trust again because i understand that as a growing girl she was a very sweet girl who was loved by everyone and now she feels like she doesn't deserve anyone. She is so pushy she drives friends out of her life and it's affecting her. It almost broke her relationship with  a guy who really loves her.
   Tsunami has a dark story that i will tell you about in bits so that you can try to help her opinion wise, i will try and get to her as i have always done but this girl is lost and drowning especially because she never got professional help after the nightmare befell her. Parents should protect their children.

photo by http://www.essence.com/2011/03/29/pain-of-rejection-is-more-physical-than-emotional/
 Watch out more stories about tsunami for they will be coming in time by time till we can all help her.
That fateful night, Aunt Debi had traveled to Dubai when Joseph took advantage of Tsunami.
That night Tsunami went to bed as usual and they were told to sleep in the super market by aunt Debi so as to kind of keep it from thieves. Tsunami slept but in her sleep she felt like someone was watching her and when she opened her eyes she could see someone standing by her bed side, it was Joseph. She thought some thing was wrong so she asked him is he was OK and he said he wasn't. He jumped on her and everything happened so fast. Joseph raped Tsunami and no one learn t about it. Till today Tsunami is still under this nightmare and it has changed her completely, moody, not tolerant and very serious with life. No man plays with her emotions.


   

Love vs Lust

 Most people have never understood the difference between love and lust. Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.  when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.  Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy--it often dissipates when the "real person" surfaces. It's the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she "can do no wrong." Being in love doesn't exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

Signs of lust

• You're totally focused on a person's looks and body.
• You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
• You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
• You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
• You are lovers, but not friends

Signs of love

• You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
• You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
• You want to honestly listen to each others feelings, make each other happy.
• He or she motivates you to be a better person.
• You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201108/lust-vs-love-do-you-know-the-difference.
Most people  have issues with ex's.

Q My boyfriend of two years broke up with me six moths ago but he still texts everyday to say things like "i really miss you and i feel like am going to regret ending our relationship. Now this girl doesn't understand and needs advise.
A. He is Using you as an emotional booty call, he wants to be reassured that you are still in to him.
What he says maybe true to an extent but this effed up dynamic only benefits him by making it more difficult for you to date other guys which means your ex doesn't need to truly deal with the fact that your relationship is over.
Whether he realizes it or not, he's acting selfish and playing games. He hasn't found anyone else and when he does he'll stop calling. Tell him that you need space and you don't want to talk for a while. Then do what he doesn't want you to do. move on

The strength of a woman

Women are strong, we face abuse from boyfriends, Husbands but we still hold on and we remain hope full for a better tomorrow. We don't do this because of the fear of losing it all in love but we do it for the strength and hope for a better tomorrow and a chance for someone to be a better person.
Women we hold on for our children to have a better future not missing the male figure in their lives, some women hold on for a better relationship and guidance from God.

What do you hold on for?
We get battered but we still fall i love hoping that the next relationship will be better. Some turn out better but some actually don't, but at the end of it all we still have the strength to move on and we stand tall and we face the world. Only the strong survive here, we have seen some hang themselves for not being able to carry the burden.

Some trip buy they remain confident to face tomorrow, that what we are, we shall always be women, we remain confident to carry on our daily duties. Our mothers much as some faced violence they still held on to give us a better future.

Now tell me why we have so many women dumping children in bins today, is it that our mothers are not teaching us enough morals? Should we blame it on technology? Or should we blame the government for sparing the rod and spoiling the child? Today's girl child is going astray... We need our morals back. We need our self centered children we need to discipline our children and mold them into trusted people, people we shall look up to in the future and say that's my daughter. A strong woman will always hold on to what she loves most, the love of a husband can reduce but the love of a child will never go away, no matter how old you get that little angel you carried 30years ago will forever be a baby to it's mother. The most priceless ornament is the one of your little child's hands around your neck.

I love my mother much as i don't show her how much.... I know i do because no one and nothing can replace her. Happy mothers day to all mothers out there.

Children a blessing to us

I have grown up loving children especially little girls. I don't remember much how my life as a child was since i moved form place to place but i have had the chance to see children grow into beautiful little girls.

I have not yet been blessed with my own child but i am grateful cause i have seen my nieces and nephews grow into adorable children. I got Daniela who is the oldest of all. Very loving and she studies people before interacting with them. Five years old in class one is brightness. I got Ali who is now five years old, i have not interacted much with him but i love him. Alesha my charming princess, this one i have watched grow and i would give anything for her lucky charms, she is one child you fall in love with once you meet her. Very Adorable. Diana talkative and ever smiling. Imran is loving and has not learn t how to speak well. I  love my family and i am very lucky to be part of this lovely family. My love for children is real.

Above are my nieces and nephew, Alesha and I, Daniela and I and lastly Imran. They are my joy and i love them so much.