STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY

I always ask my self a question of how long it will take me to forget that fateful day and how long it will take me to wake up from the night mare of that particular 12th day of December 2009. That question will always zoom right in my head but i doubt anyone will ever answer that question since it's just in my head.

No one will ever know how i feel and i believe everyone has lost a loved one in this life, some have lost both parents, some have lost a brother, some very close friends, nothing can measure or determine the pain we feel only we know the impact depending on how much we care about the person we lost, how close we are or they were to us matters so much on how we feel after their departure.

I had never lost a loved one before, at least not ones that are close to me, my grandpa died when i was only four years old though i don't remember much how close we were or how much we did together but people say he loved me so much, what would be expected? Am a true reflection of my mum.

I grew up hearing friends say they have lost loved ones but in honesty i never knew the feeling of losing a loved one until i actually lost one. It was the biggest blow in my face, A scar i may have to live with for the rest of my life, something i may never be able to forget.

In the midst of finding love after a heart break is when i found friendship, trust and understanding in a young man who had also never fallen in love, he had the best smile and a very big heart, very respectful and so loving.
Ivan before becoming apart of my life was a best friend, a good listener and a very caring person, he put my feelings a head of everything else. For me it was friendship and nothing more since i have lost trust in love. 

 Ivan turned tables of friendship around and love between us grew each day we talked. I saw something beautiful about life again, Ivan adored me and for him i was everything. He pampered me and spoiled me i felt like a little girl again. We were friends for one year, and one year in a relationship and that one felt like heaven though it was short lived in our long distance.

I planned a trip to go visit my boyfriend in Uganda after my exams on 17th December 2012 that only remained as a dream after Ivan's mum called me on 12th December to tell me that My boyfriend had passed away that morning, it was the biggest nightmare and still is and if i got the courage to write this, it's not because i am over what befell me but it's because i finally got a way of relieving myself off the pain i feel, they say that if you talk about your pain you can get over it, i don't expect to get over it but i feel a little relieved that i finally shared how i feel. I loved Ivan and to honor his memory i will always light a candle for his memory to keep him alive. The inhuman act that befell him i will never forget so easily but am grateful cause i have learn t how to move on and i will always pray for his memory cause the candle he burnt in my heart will forever burn in there, cause it brought love to my life. I loved you Ivan, i love you and i will always love you.

I wish rest in peace meant return if possible, i miss u so much. May you rest in eternal peace my love. Those candles will forever burn for u.