STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY

I always ask my self a question of how long it will take me to forget that fateful day and how long it will take me to wake up from the night mare of that particular 12th day of December 2009. That question will always zoom right in my head but i doubt anyone will ever answer that question since it's just in my head.

No one will ever know how i feel and i believe everyone has lost a loved one in this life, some have lost both parents, some have lost a brother, some very close friends, nothing can measure or determine the pain we feel only we know the impact depending on how much we care about the person we lost, how close we are or they were to us matters so much on how we feel after their departure.

I had never lost a loved one before, at least not ones that are close to me, my grandpa died when i was only four years old though i don't remember much how close we were or how much we did together but people say he loved me so much, what would be expected? Am a true reflection of my mum.

I grew up hearing friends say they have lost loved ones but in honesty i never knew the feeling of losing a loved one until i actually lost one. It was the biggest blow in my face, A scar i may have to live with for the rest of my life, something i may never be able to forget.

In the midst of finding love after a heart break is when i found friendship, trust and understanding in a young man who had also never fallen in love, he had the best smile and a very big heart, very respectful and so loving.
Ivan before becoming apart of my life was a best friend, a good listener and a very caring person, he put my feelings a head of everything else. For me it was friendship and nothing more since i have lost trust in love. 

 Ivan turned tables of friendship around and love between us grew each day we talked. I saw something beautiful about life again, Ivan adored me and for him i was everything. He pampered me and spoiled me i felt like a little girl again. We were friends for one year, and one year in a relationship and that one felt like heaven though it was short lived in our long distance.

I planned a trip to go visit my boyfriend in Uganda after my exams on 17th December 2012 that only remained as a dream after Ivan's mum called me on 12th December to tell me that My boyfriend had passed away that morning, it was the biggest nightmare and still is and if i got the courage to write this, it's not because i am over what befell me but it's because i finally got a way of relieving myself off the pain i feel, they say that if you talk about your pain you can get over it, i don't expect to get over it but i feel a little relieved that i finally shared how i feel. I loved Ivan and to honor his memory i will always light a candle for his memory to keep him alive. The inhuman act that befell him i will never forget so easily but am grateful cause i have learn t how to move on and i will always pray for his memory cause the candle he burnt in my heart will forever burn in there, cause it brought love to my life. I loved you Ivan, i love you and i will always love you.

I wish rest in peace meant return if possible, i miss u so much. May you rest in eternal peace my love. Those candles will forever burn for u.  

FRIENDSHIP & BETRAYAL

It can be hard making friends, and even harder to trust them. It's very hard to find someone who really loves you and cares about you. Ideally a friend is a person who offers love and respect and will never leave or betray you. Don't lose a good friend. It's very hard to find a friend who will stay and they can be easy to lose. If you find yourself in a situation where a friend has seemingly betrayed you, don't worry cause some times it does happen and not everyone you meet or befriend has the same intentions on friendship. Some want to get information about you, some want to try you there for we can never tell everyone's intentions in our lives but we just learn to appreciate and trust the people who we befriend and the people who befriend us.

Friendship as we all know is not an easy thing, it's just not a walk over. Friendship in my opinion is just like a relationship. You got to choose who to trust and keep as a friend. Some times we hurt our friends not really knowing that we are hurting them and if we care so much the silent treatment can kill both parties.

Some times we as friends pretend to be strong enough and not care about what the other think about us after a misunderstanding but i personally hurt so much when am in disagreement with that particular person i call a friend. I hate it when someone i refer to as good friend keeps a secret from me cause i would never keep a secret from my close friend. I love keeping friends and i love making friends though i don't easily make friends.

Some times our friends betray us but what do we do? Do we talk to them about the mistakes they have made or do we go around to other friends and bad mouth the ones who have hurt us?

If there is one thing i have learn t from misunderstanding with anyone is to keep it to myself till it calms down and ten after that talk to your supposed friend about the incidence and then try to work it out. It works and i know this cause i have been though this same experience.

The moment you talk to a third party about this problem and you friend finds out, this sometimes become gossip and it never turns out ok after this step.
Always try to work out your issues and once you can't come to an agreement please agree on inviting a third party, it could be a mutual friend you can both trust or a family member who can reason with both of you.
If it doesn't work out for both of you then at least you tried and if you don't want to be friends anymore, make sure you tell the other person so you can both be aware of the situation.

A FEW MORE STEPS TO MAKE IT WORK
 
1. Determine if the whole thing was a misunderstanding. It's easy to get emotional (positive or negative) with friends and you may have rushed to conclusions. Make sure they really have done something wrong, and, if they have, find if they are apologetic

2. Keep things in perspective. The whole situation may not be as bad as you think. This will make apologies and forgiveness easier to obtain.


3. Be willing to forgive despite your anger. Forgive them for not keeping your trust and not knowing how to treat friends. You may need to forgive them, even if they are not sorry for what they did. This is key to getting past your anger towards them and not harboring grudges.

4.Consider whether or not you want to maintain a friendly relationship with the person. Many times, a friend that betrays once will do it again. But this is also dependent on the situation and the person.

• If you find that you no longer want to be friends with this person, sever all ties with them. You don't have to be mean about it. Assuming you followed step 1, they already probably know that you are upset with them. This will make ending your friendship easier.
• If you find that you want to maintain your friendship, make sure the other person understand that you feel they did something wrong and you have forgiven them and want to continue being friends -- even if they aren't remorseful.

Try to relax and take some time alone. Meditate, shop, dance, do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy. You are more likely to find a worthwhile solution while doing something you enjoy.


Think about how they feel. If they're just about as upset as you are, maybe you should talk to them. It truly does help. You never know what could be happening with them, so you must try to see it from their perspective.

Friends are very easy to make and very hard to keep. I love my friends

I call her my best friend, someone i wouldn't mind talking to about anything happening in my life, she is just an angel for me.

I call her my guardian angel, she is more of a sister than a friend and am so blessed to have her. Nana i will love u always, u are heaven sent.

Part of my crazy crew.

The fun, what could life be like without friends? I have great friends even those who ain't here but i love you all so much. God bless